I know a huge number of you web admins are trying that really hard, and many of you really succeed. :) For those who don't, here's my small guide on how to write a really shitty website. Write in comments about other ways you can think of !
- Create a password making process which is not less than a big puzzle. Force them to use special characters, but don't allow to use underscores, don't allow more than 12 or less than 6 characters, but still force them to have one number and one uppercase and one lowercase letter. Have the same restrictions on the username. Half of the users will run away at this point.
- Do a session timeout EVERY 5 minutes of inactivity, and make them lose all the work they did, or forms they filled. This is one thing you can do which will not only make more than a shitty website, but possibly also get a brick or two thrown on your office walls. I know you get a sadistic pleasure out of this, don't feel shy.
- Offer a check box which says "Remember me", but NEVER, EVER remember them.
- Do unnecessary server redirects for everything possible under the sky, like populating items for a dropdown, sorting a simple table, showing a Textarea at the bottom, and even for calculations like 5 * 5 = 25. That would remind people of the days when internet was just invented.
- Keep a flashing ad on top of your text content, which appears every once in a while at random places.
- Create Search boxes containing text like "Search ..." in light grey color, and DON'T make it disappear when the user clicks in the search box. Let them start typing, searching and then realize they actually searched for Sea'My Question'rch ... . Users really enjoy that.
- NEVER have a clear and unobtrusive way of contacting you, because a lot of motivated benevolent souls will still try to help getting your website fixed. You obviously don't want that, do you?
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